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THE OH STUMP

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The stage is empty except for two inviting, comfy, big chairs set center-most, somewhat tipped inward to nearly touch their two arms but mostly open-faced to the front arena which is full with an expectant, seated audience. But the chairs: exposure to the crowd is the point, even when the two chairs are empty.

Two spotlights gain light slowly. A hush falls over the area. The stage can’t be occupied quickly enough, and yet, there is this delay. Where is anyone?

The lights burst forth, the stage is flooded. From the center rear, from out of the distant dark background, a female figure enters and walks to center stage front where she throws up her arms and yells:

“OH-BAHHHH-MA!”

The crowd roars into applause, drowning out the woman on stage, who continues her word with increased volume:

“OHHH-BAAAH-MAAAH!”

A man enters, stage left and rushes forward to embrace the woman.

“OHHH-PRAAAH!”

They both lean back from one another, their arms still grasping each others’ as they continue to exclaim:

“OBAAAAAMAH!”

“Oh, OHpraah!”

“Oh, now, oh, OHBAAAMAAAH!”

“Well, now, oh, OHprah, well, OHHH, OHprah!”

Hahaha, yes, yes, OHbama, yes, OHbama, YES!”

The man steps back, motions to the chairs behind them:

“Seriously now, OHprah, seriously, can we, oh, OHprah, I just lose my head when I’m with you!”

“OHbama, now, now, OHbama. You’re so sweet, you’re…oh, OHbama, isn’t this great?”

“Yes, OHprah, yes, yes, it IS great. But I think YOU’re greater, you know that, OHprah? You’re the great one.”

“Now, OHbama, you’re so sweet,” and turning to the audience now, continues, “isn’t he sweet, isn’t he just the SWEEtest?”

She turns again to face the impressive guest. “Oh, OHbama, it’s so great to see you.”

And with that, the woman falls into the comfy chair behind her, and the man plops down into the other one, both careful to adjust for the overhead spotlights, just so.

“Oh, OHprah, I, I, I’m at a loss for words.”

They both laugh, rock back and forth in the two chairs, reach out their hands toward the other but never touch.

“You know, OHbahma, OHbama, oh, you know, this is just all SO important!”

“Yes, yes, it is, OHprah, I’m so eager to just talk about it all here with you today, and” — he turns toward the audience and motions grandly with one arm — “and with all of you, too, such a wonderful audience!”

The audience erupts in delightful moans and applause.

OHbama turns back to face OHprah, who speaks now with deeper tones:

“Well, now, OHbama, it’s been so great hearing from you on all these important issues” — and turning toward the audience now — “aren’t these just all so important, these issues?”

And continuing to look toward the audience, OHprah says, “So, when we come back, I’ll get to talk with my wonderful guest about my latest book, his family and, well, so many new things! So stay tuned because we’ll have so much more to talk about, more than we already have here!”

50wde_liar-liar.jpg [Cut to commercial]: Things for sale.

Reference:
OPRAH STUMPS FOR OBAMA IN EARLY STATES


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