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“DEMOCRAT, REPUBLICAN, OR SOUTHERNER?”

Very, very funny BANG!-BANG!-story here, by way of THE RIGHT ANGLE at Human Events ONLINE.

July 17, 2006 04:42 PM EST
Square-Black.gif Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

Square-Black.gif You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Square-Black.gif Democrat’s Answer:

Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

Square-Black.gif Republican’s Answer:

BANG!

Square-Black.gif Southerner’s Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click…(Sounds of reloading)…BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click…

Daughter: “Nice grouping, Dad! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?”

Son: “Can I shoot the next one!”

Wife: “You ain’t taking that to the Taxidermist!”

However, the one thing excluded in this line-up is the option to be a MOUNTAIN SOUTHERNER, in which case the setup (and response) would include a rifle, quickly drawn from the gun rack of your truck window — you’re never walking too far from your truck, after all, when you’re out strolling with the family, because you’re probably on your own land and where you’re walking (and the scene of the terrorist attack attempt occurs) is somewhere you had to drive to on that land of yours — THEN BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!…

Square-Black.gif Which (the last option from among responses above) is moreorless like what Israel is doing:

“Olmert: We’ll fight on until attacks end…”

“…there are moments in the life of a nation, when it is compelled to look directly into the face of reality and say: no more,” (Olmert) said.

“And I say to everyone: no more. Israel will not be held hostage — not by terror gangs or by a terrorist authority or by any sovereign state.”

“…There is nothing we want more than peace on all of our borders…” he said. “Israel will not agree to live with rockets fired on its citizens, he added. “Only a nation that can protect its freedom deserves it,” he stated.


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