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I am considering — actually, decided upon — a move back to the Republican Party.

I’ll explain: it’s not an idle, impestuous or impulsive decision, although I’m only writing about the issue now. I used to vote as a Republican, as I’ve written about here (“Merging Into One…,” June 6, 2004), but opted to vote as a Democrat when Bill Clinton ran for the Presidency, and for whom I voted, twice. Even as a Republican in the past, however, I voted for Senator Dianne Feinstein (D/California) — I tend to evaluate the individuals competing for and about the issues in respective campaigns and these are what, for whom and how I vote, despite strict Party alignment(s).

However, after much thought about this, I owe an apology to now Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (R). The thing about the “Special Election” — otherwise known as the “California Recall Election” — that brought Schwarzenegger into the California Governor’s office, and dismissed then-Governor Grey Davis (D), really offended me, and offended me from a point of ethics alone. Politically, it allowed a lesser number/percentage of voters in the state to override the already cast decision of a larger number/percentage of voters, as to who would be Governor. So, it appeared to me to be irregular, approaching dirty politics. I wasn’t primed to regard Schwarzenegger in a kindly light, because of that. The “Recall” process itself left me very suspect of Schwarzenegger and the California Republican Party (and national Party, also, because of this).

Now, I feel differently. Schwarzenegger is proving himself to be a more than capable Governor, and even better, has been willing to display flexibility in the State with some issues that directly affect the lives and well-being of the most vulnerable in our population, which is a big improvement from his initial presentation.

On an even more personal level, a big motivator about my own Party affiliation and alignment, a big part of it, has to do with which group of voters as a Party personality I feel the most in common with and which I find the most offensive. And, about that, I’ve been gradually finding liberal sources far more ingratiating and irrational than I ever have, even from years ago.

I’m more as to character, however, than someone who is easily influenced by social interactions and peer relationships. These are very important things, yes, but I’m capable of maintaining a perspective, despite peer pressure, or even, without any social support, when I believe in what I’m doing, how I feel, what I’ve reasoned through to some conclusion. Which is because, mostly, I know from my own thought processes that I never arrive at any conclusion, about much of anything, great or small, without a great deal of time, investigation, consideration and rumination. I really work to explore what I feel and think and why. And I never proceed on any conclusion I’ve already made, if I have doubts about it — at least, doubts that progress to the point that my conscience asserts itself, at which time, I know I have to make a change.

And, that’s where I am now. I’ve experienced a nagging irritation and doubt about voting again as a Democrat for a while now. I would’ve supported Wesley Clark for the Presidency, had he been the Democratic nominee, but I have doubts about John Kerry and about the present day Democratic Party, based upon the Internet talk I read, the news, behaviors.

Perhaps I swim upstream as a personality characteristic, perceiving the water flow and then opting to swim in the opposite direction. But, with John Kerry (D/Massachusetts), I feel that there’s a giant wave of unknown, a subtle indication of *something* pending if Kerry is elected that is intentionally not being affirmed now, during the campaign. Which lends more explanation to the somewhat baffling, Republican criticism of John Kerry as “flip-flopping.” It’s because there’s an awareness that Kerry has things in mind, in the works, intends that which he isn’t necessarily making clear now, that something’s going to rebound and bite if you go up hill. Maybe not, but, I’m beginning to have this feeling. Also.

What’s going on now with my own voter conscience is a sense that Kerry isn’t being clear, and is being, therefore, intentionally evasive. I worry about this.

Coupled with my spiritual beliefs and the contrariness, even ridicule and outright denigration, I read from many among Democrats about what I hold to be reverent, the Republican Party does now, then, represent more accurately what I believe government and those who govern should represent and enact, on my behalf.

And, the DNC seems to be voter hungry to such an extent that they’re disallowing any definitive point about anything, and making the form of government they have in mind so general as to be alarmingly vague and worrisome. As in, something is planned but it’s not being revealed now. Which bothers me, and very much.

So, explanations aside: the Republicans have my vote again, the Democrats have lost my vote again. I’m apparently more of a Reagan Democrat than I have been aware, despite the innacurate definition by some, about that expression. It comes down to the fact that the Democratic Party isn’t a comfortable place to be.

C O M M E N T S : now closed